5.11.11-pain killers

I wish I understood why I am so messed up. I just have so much pain and anger…I am so hurt right now…I cant even find words to express my thoughts so I search the net to find quotes that express the feelings locked inside of me…I trust NO ONE enough to tell them the whole truth. Shit I barely trust myself to tell myself the whole truth….Damn it what the fuck is the whole truth.

I cant tell you where this shit started nor do I know where it ends…I think that’s what is killing me the most. I cant see myself anymore. Before I used to be able to see my future goals and dreams now all I see are dark skies and cloudy days…I just want to run till I cant run anymore, that’s actually what I did today I just walked I kept going till I couldn’t go anymore!! I just want to end this life sometimes!

I have never really considered suicide until today! I cant take the failure anymore. How hard do i have to try to finally make people proud...I dont even want to make anyone proud at this point I just want to be happy again! I want to enjoy time spent with my friends and family. Is that really too difficult to ask for.

IDK what i need to be doing...I have been really holding on to a thin strip of faith ...im loosing my grip! I feel/ I am alone. Those who claim to be my friend and miss me ...where the f***

....

So we live kinda far
and u say u don't want 2 waist time
so what does distance have 2 do with anything
if you care about me
we can make it work ...i am willing to let go of some of my life 4 you.
u told me you were ready 2 do the same.
why do you always draw me in
only 2 shoot me away
y do we get so close
only to drift away
y do u say u want me
but hook up with the other chick???
Dude that stuff hurts
I might hide behind a smile but im hurt and broken
I am sick of picking up the pieces and cutting myself...
I am sick of being held one day but not the next
im sick of sharing what should b mine
and only mine...

beauty gets attention; but personality captures the heart.

im beautiful
inside and out
its unfortunate u don't see that,

dude personality...I got tons of it
at times i may act timid or shy from speaking my mind...
but thats the personality ppl learn to love
Addittue don trip
jus know I am the whole package
u can't find this anywhere

before i realized i was the total package i was confused with what i wanted
did i want your attention
or did i want your heart...

1 sT3p aHe@d... (below boiling/above freezing)

If you thought i was beautiful
Thanks
If you thought I was gunna b an easy hit
Fukk u...yu must want that other chick... i call my friend
If you thought i was smart
You were right!
If you thought I needed a friends
think again that the other bitch over there
If you thought I was deprived from da good (=))
think again I get mines
same way u get yours
If you thought I was crafty and inventive
I can only agree
I developed a new code... I play the same game jus different
When chikks say "get on my level"
I laugh (lol)...why would i wanna step below myself

mind filtration

i never doubted your story
i always believed what you told me
i supported you in your down time
i hoped 4 the truth
now i wonder what you tell the newcomers
do u tell them the truth or what you told me
i can't seem to shield the though 4rm my mind
and i can't tell anyone
just tell me the truth so i can remove the hinges that trap my mind.

SONGZ

These songs are a mirror of my emotion:

*I wanna be: http://www.jamglue.com/tracks/2684647-I-Wanna-Be-Chris-Brown
*Brown Skin: http://www.jamglue.com/tracks/811297-India-Arie-Brown-Skin
*One Song Glory: http://www.jamglue.com/tracks/30888-one-song-glory-RENT
*His eyes are on the Sparrow: http://www.jamglue.com/tracks/1493647-Lauryn-Hill-His-Eye-Is-On-The-Sparrow-Instrumental-

I write sins not Tragedies: http://www.jamglue.com/tracks/20920-Panic-At-The-Disco-I-Write-Sins-Not-Tragedies

*Nine in the Afternoon: http://www.jamglue.com/tracks/2456955-Panic-at-the-Disco-Nine-in-the-Afternoon

*Time to Dance:http://www.jamglue.com/tracks/1140069-Panic-At-The-Disco-Time-To-Dance

?Have u ever?

Have you ever wanted...
Have u ever just wanted to be feld
Have you ever just wanted to be with that someone
Have u ever just wanted to close you eyes and never open them again
Have you ever dreamt a dream that seemed 2 real
or maybe u wished it was real
Have you ever wished to step outside your body and watch yourself
Have u ever had a have you ever moment

Have you ever cried for no reason
Have you ever stopped eating for weeks 2 b-come someone else
Have u ever wished 4 death
Have u ever wished 4 the end of the world
2 realize you fate
Do u wanna kno if you going to heaven or hell
Have you ever wondered if all you repenting will help u in the end...

If you have ever though about what I have though about your not alone!