5.11.11-pain killers

I wish I understood why I am so messed up. I just have so much pain and anger…I am so hurt right now…I cant even find words to express my thoughts so I search the net to find quotes that express the feelings locked inside of me…I trust NO ONE enough to tell them the whole truth. Shit I barely trust myself to tell myself the whole truth….Damn it what the fuck is the whole truth.

I cant tell you where this shit started nor do I know where it ends…I think that’s what is killing me the most. I cant see myself anymore. Before I used to be able to see my future goals and dreams now all I see are dark skies and cloudy days…I just want to run till I cant run anymore, that’s actually what I did today I just walked I kept going till I couldn’t go anymore!! I just want to end this life sometimes!

I have never really considered suicide until today! I cant take the failure anymore. How hard do i have to try to finally make people proud...I dont even want to make anyone proud at this point I just want to be happy again! I want to enjoy time spent with my friends and family. Is that really too difficult to ask for.

IDK what i need to be doing...I have been really holding on to a thin strip of faith ...im loosing my grip! I feel/ I am alone. Those who claim to be my friend and miss me ...where the f***